Yep, it's Valentine’s Day and we all know what that means: having to choose between Made of Honor and Eat, Pray, Love for our February 14th viewing (dis)pleasure. Is there nothing a heterosexual man dreads more than having to sit down with his partner to watch a boring, car chase-free romantic comedy?
Fortunately, we at CoolPictures share your pain. We had to endure the horrors of the Sex and the City movie and overwrought melodrama of Julie & Julia. We’ve seen the worst and lied about it to our significant others afterwards. So, here’s how you get out of it: describe your favourite car movie as something that you'd interest her. It’s easier than you think:
Transformers
What it is: Giant robots that can transform into cars / helicopters / fighter jets fight each other in a struggle against flat acting, huge explosions and frenetic editing.
How you describe it: A troubled love story set amidst a violent, long-running civil war. It’s like Captain Corelli's Mandolin, really.
Black Lightning
What it is: Russian youth saves lives and fights crime in a flying Volga. It’s like Batman Begins, if Batman Begins was freakin’ insane and filmed in Moscow.
How you describe it: After the sudden death of his father, a Russian teenager takes over the family business and strives to live up to his old man’s image. It’s a touching story about courage, responsibility and personal growth.
Gone in 60 Seconds
What it is: Car thieves rush to steal fifty cars in a week to appease a mob boss.
How you describe it: A young man struggles to prove himself to his older brother, who is the only father figure he’s ever had in his life.
Bullitt
What it is: The most boringly realistic crime film you’ve ever seen, redeemed solely by an epic car chase between Steve McQueen in a ’68 Mustang fastback and a black Dodge Charger.
How you describe it: Like American Gangster with Steve McQueen.
The Transporter
What it is: Jason Statham drives a black Audi and kicks the living crud out of hundreds upon hundreds of faceless henchmen.
How you describe it: It has Jason Statham in it, and he’s sometimes shirtless. Also, he’s British.
The Fast and the Furious
What it is: Paul Walker and Vin Diesel fight to see who can underact more while competing in increasingly dangerous street races.
How you describe: An undercover cop and a criminal with a heart of gold forge a special relationship through their mutual interests.
By Tristan Hankins
